Memory

So, it turns out Thing 1 really was checking up on me. Every night now she asks me what I’m going to do downstairs while she’s sleeping. Usually I give her one to three things on my to-do list: cleaning, relaxing, sewing, whatever. She repeats them back to me, perfectly. Then, the next morning, she asks me if I did each of them. She’s too little to see the dishes in the sink, so I can say yes. After all, in my world when The Cat’s gone getting the dishes to the sink counts as cleaning.

She’s not yet three, but I can’t believe how good her memory is. In fact, I try to avoid playing Memory with her anymore and stick to Candyland. I was tired of getting beat. It was so sad to see my four pairs to her eight game after game. I suppose I could’ve put more pairs out, but somehow I don’t think it would work out in my favor.

The thing is, I used to have a good memory. It’s the mommy thing that killed it. But I feel like I’m being a sore loser when I point out that she’s the reason I lose. Plus, the guilt trips don’t work that well at this age. Maybe in a few years…

I miss my memory, and I’d like it back, but at least I can take comfort in my daughter’s good memory. In fact, I plan on taking more than comfort, I’ll be taking advantage of it soon. I’m going to start giving her my to do list every morning. Then she can remind me what it was I was supposed to be doing. It’s not all bad for her either. I’ll have to get her a cell phone. That’s what every three year old wants, right? I just hope the preschool teachers don’t turn it off. I might forget to pick her up.

You cleaning, Mom?

As I leave Thing 1’s room at bedtime, this is how our exchange goes these days:

T1: “Will you leave my door open a crack, Mom?”

Momma: “Yes, dear.”

T1: “Where will you be? Will you be downstairs, Mom?”

Momma: “Yes, honey.”

T1: “What will you be doing? You cleaning, Mom?”

Momma: “Yes, sweetie. Good night.”

I really was planning on it. After all, the movers come in 2 weeks, the Cat is out to sea, and naps and bedtime is the only time I get to go through things without little paws pawing at my clean and dirty piles. But yet, somehow, I come across this:

http://grosgrainfabulous.blogspot.com/2008/07/piata-pinafore-giveaway.html

Don’t ask how. Just know that I got on the internet with the best of intentions to look up something move related. The time I spent looking at this blog, however, was not move related. In fact, it made me want to unpack my sewing machines (ha, as if they’re packed yet!) and work from an inspired place. Her stuff (and her daughter) is beautiful and makes me feel…slow. I couldn’t sew one dress in a weekend, much less three. Plus, my attempt at making a dress for Thing 1 without a pattern didn’t turn out as well as I would’ve liked:

blue dress

Not bad, but rather boring. Plus, I was aiming for size 2 and it’s about a size 4 with a 18 month neckhole. We’ll see what happens with it. Perhaps if I keep checking back and being inspired by Kathleen’s blog maybe I’ll learn something. After all, my next dress attempt turned out a little better, even though I started with (and then deviated from) a pattern.

Spring dress

  (It looks better in person. Really.)

Of course, with the move it’s going to be awhile before I get time for that. Maybe I’ll just win some of the dresses she gives away on her blog. I think that’s the best solution. Especially since, for now, I’ve got to get back to cleaning. Because tonight Thing 1 asked me what cleaning I was going to do. I think she might be planning on checking up on me.

Aloha, Washington!

After weeks (months?) of promises, the Cat finally got his orders. We are going to Washington! I know, who in their right mind would be happy to move from sunny Hawaii to dreary western Washington? A mom with two kids under three who has family there, that’s who. We’ll probably stay with my parents while we look to buy a house. (Did you hear that? Clear out a guest bedroom!)

This next month is going to be difficult, to say the least. The Cat is going to be out to sea for four or five of the next six weeks. The movers will come to pack us up in less than a month. Two weeks later, when we see the Cat again, we’ll move out of our house. Then a few days later we’ll be hauling everything to the airport for the last time, at least for awhile.

I’m really going to miss Hawaii, but I’m really looking forward to having family to help out. And being on a much bigger land mass. With rising airfares I’ve been feeling the island fever lately. But I don’t want to complain too much, because I’m sure I’ll be missing all this sooner than I think. I better carve out some time to sit on our front porch and stare at the ocean.

SLR spoiling

Gma – my mom – spoils me so. First, when I needed to take photos for my magazine articles (see this work photo post), she sent me two SLR film bodies and, I don’t know, maybe 5-6 lenses. Plus filters, flashes, and miscellaneous other camera accessories. I love the photos from SLRs, with the choice of lenses and depth of field (I can blur out the mess in my house!), but the expense of developing film for my own use was starting to get to me. But we were waiting to get a digital SLR, maybe as our Christmas gift if we could afford it.

So 10 days ago or so, an unexpected box came in the mail addressed to The Cat and me. Curious, I opened it. It was a Sony dSLR. And on the packing slip it said “Happy Birthday” to both of us. Mind you, our birthdays are in March and September, so I guess June does split the difference, but the gift was a surprise for more than just that. I hadn’t even been talking to my mom about camera stuff for awhile. Plus, my mom’s not very good at keeping secrets. (I had just talked to her. She hadn’t even given me a hint by asking if we’d gotten any packages lately.) Plus, dSLRs are on the expensive side for her to be doling out as birthday gifts.

The Cat’s reaction was a little different. He wanted to be mad, because she had spent too much money on us. Then he tried out the camera. After that he was upset he didn’t have more time to play with it and shop for accessories for it. Anyway, thanks, Mom. The camera’s great, and all our Minolta lenses work with it, which is quite a boon. And for everyone else, I’ll spoil you with some photos giving you a little taste of the Things in Hawaii:

Yeah, the color’s a little flat in these, but maybe my photos will get better once I get the instruction manual out. Yes, surprise to those who know me, I started using something without reading the instruction manual.

There’s a reason military families get health care

Last week was not good for me. It started going downhill Monday around lunch, with a sore throat. By Wednesday I was in the doctor’s office with a strep throat infection with so much pus on my tonsils everyone wanted to come in and look at them. Then the cough started. And runny nose. By Friday night I had pinkeye in both eyes. And on Saturday, I went to the doctor’s with laryngitis. The laryngitis was probably the most difficult to deal with, since Thing 1 is in her “Why?” phase and Thing 2 is just learning what the word “no” means. At least I’d like to thing he’s learning.

It’s a good thing all of these doctor’s visits are covered by our military health care, because I blame the military for my current condition. Yes, I believe stress and anxiety brought all of this on. After all, I’m not one to get sick too often, but the last few weeks of military life have been more stress-inducing than normal. I’m used to the military treating The Cat however they want, but at the moment they are messing with my family and our future, and the fact that there is nothing I can do about it has me lying awake at night steaming. We’re supposed to leave here in 6-8 weeks, but we can’t get anything in writing so we can make our plans. I have no idea if The Cat will be around to help with the move or have time on the other end to help shop around for a house. (We’re planning on buying our first house, another stress factor.) So here I am, feeling crappy, with a trans-Pacific move upcoming at an undetermined time that I may be doing with just me and the two kids. I’m not ready for this.

The Cat, bless his heart, has been trying to get this taken care of for months, to no avail, because others just aren’t doing their jobs like they should. And now, since there’s no official word on when we’re supposed to go, The Cat’s boat will probably take him out to sea and keep him here longer. Ugh. I really don’t like to complain about the military, after all, it is our bread and butter, plus I’m as patriotic as the next guy, but I also hate it when my life gets screwed up because some paper pusher hasn’t done what they should’ve done months ago. Okay, rant done. I’m going to take all my meds now. At least they didn’t cost me anything.

Becoming a part of a community

Somewhere in Hawaii (or anywhere in the world, for that matter), there will be a double size quilt that I helped with. Sure, the basting stitches I put in will get pulled out and my fingerprints will be washed away, but I know I helped baste all the layers together. I had very little idea of what I was supposed to be doing on a quilt for a woman I barely know, but it was a community effort in quilting class, so I jumped in and helped. How fun is that?!

It was a beautiful green on green money tree design. It was done so well you couldn’t even see the applique stitches. (I can only dream of the day!) I haven’t made much progress on my project, although I did learn how to applique the valleys in the design today. Hopefully I can finish it before we leave. The Cat’s been great about setting his schedule so I can go to class (we had a lot going on today!), but he’ll be gone much of July, so I’ll need to ask the neighbors if they can babysit.

Next on the Hawaii List: Surf’s up

Yesterday The Cat and I took our first (and probably only) surf lesson. It was a blast. No, I wasn’t great, but I was better than I had worried I’d be. The Cat, of course, was a natural. I can only hope Things 1 and 2 will inherit his natural athletic ability. And my charm and intelligence, but that goes without saying.

Our lesson was at White Plains Beach, which I had stayed at once, but never entered the water because the waves were too big for Thing 1 back then. It was a nice day for surfing, but I had forgotten about the holiday. Actually, I remembered that Wednesday was Kamehameha Day, but I forgot what beaches are like on holidays. So, instead of the half empty weekday beach I was hoping to make a fool of myself in front of, it was a beach packed with local families and surfers. And, of the surfers, I looked to be the only 30-something female. And, I think I was the only female who wasn’t wearing tiny bikini bottoms, which was probably a good thing for all involved. It doesn’t look like fun to pull those things up to cover the top of your crack every 10 seconds or so.

Our instructor was Dustin, and he was great. We started on the sand, where I was fantastic at standing up. Yes, I could balance like a champ on the beach. On the water…well, we’ll get to that.

We paddled our boards out to meet up with Dustin and start catching waves. I was good at paddling, so I figured at least I’d have that to feel good about. I let The Cat go first, and of course he caught his first wave, stood up on his board and looked perfect (from what I could see). Can you hate the man you love for being too good?

My turn. My board caught the first wave, and I pulled my first foot up underneath me. Then I was froze. I rode the wave in, half standing, half sitting, all the way to the beach, because I didn’t know what to do to stop. (Jump or fall off would’ve been the correct answer here.) Like The Cat says (more frequently to me then I’d like), “You can only get better.”

I did get better, even riding a wave or two squatting. It was when I was determined to stand up that I started losing my balance and falling off. Too soon, the lesson was over. I can’t believe I was out there paddling and surfing for nearly an entire hour. Time flew as fast as the surfboard seemed to. I loved it, although next time I think I’ll work on riding low to the board for awhile before I bother my head and body with standing up and being tall. Hopefully there’ll be a next time.

The Cat cut his toe and sat out the second half of the lesson. I joined him on the beach when I was done. It was 1 pm. We had the boards and the babysitter for another hour or so, but we were too exhausted to go back in and practice on our own. In fact, by the time we made it to the mini-mart down the street my arms and back were already sore. Uffda, old age is tough!

Today, my body is definitely paying for my Hawaiian folly. But ibuprofen makes it bearable. And a few days of soreness is a small price to pay for being able to say I went surfing in Hawaii.

The idea of living in Hawaii

We’ll be leaving Hawaii in a few months. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, with two small children it will be great to be closer to family, especially when The Cat has to go out to sea on the submarine. On the other hand, I’m going to miss living in Hawaii. At least I’ll miss the weather and the IDEA of living in Hawaii, which, unfortunately, my reality hasn’t matched.

The idea of living in Hawaii, at least for me, means doing and seeing every type of touristy thing, from shopping to dining to activities that require sunblock. It also means going beyond the simply touristy and doing the local thing. Those word of mouth things that aren’t listed in Frommer or Lonely Planet guides. Making friends and having experiences that make Hawaii feel like home. That idea would have been ideal. But, instead, we had two kids in the three years that we’ve lived here.

I moved here, far from friends and family, halfway through a pregnancy, making finding a regular job hard. (Thank goodness for Kaplan getting me out of the house occasionally!). Oh, and The Cat has been gone – a  lot - making it difficult to keep even a non-regular job. Sure, I could’ve overcome those things and been more adventurous, but I have more excuses. (Many of them center around traffic and parking. Who knew I was such a car wuss?) The truth is, when I get back to the mainland, people will say, “Oh, Hawaii! Did you do ______?” And most of the time I’ll have to say no. I hate that left out, not-in-the-know, wussy feeling.

Still, we do now have two kids who can (forever and always) say they were born in Hawaii. That, plus the fact that Things 1 and 2 are the most wonderful kids you’ll ever meet, I guess evens things out. Regardless, it’s hard to accept the fact that I didn’t get to do everything I wanted here. But, maybe I shouldn’t give up yet. I have a few months left, and I’m not leaving without a fight.

 

The Cat came back

It has been two months since my last post. If that seems pathetic, it’s only because it is. TCITH was gone for 2-1/2 months and it was a very tough deployment for me. So bad that I tried to get an AMC flight home. You know it’s bad when I’m willing to go to the bother of trying jump through the hoops to get on a military flight with two small children by myself.

TCITH came home at the end of April. For 5 days before he came home, we (Thing 1, Thing 2 and I) were dealing with the flu. Then pink eye, a plugged milk duct that become infected, flu (TCITH this time) and pink eye again. Oh, and a yeast infection from the antibiotics for the milk duct infection. Yeah, it was a fun three weeks. But at least he’s home. I’ve been able to get some work done, to get out without kids for an hour or two, and even consider making social plans. Not feeling quite so pathetic now. It’s good to have the Cat back.

Trading guilts

It’s after 10 a.m., and I’m still in my pajamas. Thing 1 is too. Thing 2 isn’t, but that’s because he had a diaper blowout on his pajamas. I need a shower. The dishwasher is waiting to be emptied. And my office/craft room is a disaster area. And all I’d really like to do is go back to bed and get some sleep.

I was up until after 2 a.m. last night. These things happen when The Cat in the Hat isn’t here to drag me to bed. Actually, I usually drag him to bed, because he’s fallen asleep on the couch waiting for me. He looks so uncomfortable sleeping there, I give up on what I’m doing and head to bed with him in tow. But when he’s gone, the need-to-get-things-done guilt calls stronger than the must-rest-to-take-care-of-babies guilt. So, I was up late last night, but I didn’t get much done. Instead, I was researching cloth diapering.

Yes, you heard that right. I’m thinking about incorporating some cloth diapers into our routine. Why? Oh, because the piles of laundry (clean and dirty) distributed throughout my house like large gopher holes simply aren’t enough for me. I’d like to add piles that are wet and poopy.

Actually, that’s not it. It will probably be a consequence, but it’s not the force driving me to try this. Instead, it’s so I can trade big lifetime guilt and worry for small day-to-day guilt and worry.

Last night I was up worrying about landfills, poo in the groundwater, covering my kids’ bodies with chemicals, slight bottom rashes that never fully go away, and the legacy I’m leaving for my kids. Physically and psychologically. When my kids are grown, I never want to hear them say, “My parents were alright, but so backwards. They filled a landfill with my dirty diapers.” Okay, so I’ll never actually hear this, but I don’t even want to worry about hearing this. So, I’m trading in worries. I’m trading in one long lasting parenting guilt that will keep me up many nights over the next few years for a guilt that will keep me up late a few nights here and there to get the laundry done. I don’t care if it gets folded and put away. And, in the event that I take TCITH to bed because he looks uncomfortable, and the laundry doesn’t get done, I won’t sweat it. I’ll slap a disposable diaper on whoever can’t be bothered to go on the potty yet. And I’ll try not to feel too guilty about it. Why? Because I’m a middle of the road mom who doesn’t feel compelled to pick a lane and stick with it forever, consequences and inconveniences be damned. And because I think I’ll be a better mom with some sleep. And clothes. And a shower.

I’m going to go work on those last two now.